


Just a Precaution

by Jellybean728



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Suggestive Themes, is voice porn a thing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-09 23:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellybean728/pseuds/Jellybean728
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is reading poetry aloud.  What's the worst that could happen?  This is pure crack, I assure you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Precaution

**Author's Note:**

> posted long ago on livejournal as a response to this prompt http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/6487.html?thread=31953751#t31953751

John climbs the stairs to 221b quietly. Before he'd left (before Sherlock had shouted at him to 'go and do your distressingly normal things elsewhere, John, the inanity is leeching away my intelligence') Sherlock had been trying to set up an experiment in the kitchen. Not that John didn't have every right to walk into the flat perfectly normally, he did pay half the rent (most of the time), but that didn't mean he would disturb Sherlock's experiment out of sheer pettiness.   
  
Just as he reaches the landing, John can hear Sherlock's voice. He's not shouting, which means he isn't watching the telly. He's not making rapid-fire deductions, which means he isn't working on a case. John waits a moment. He can't make out the words, but he can get a sense of Sherlock's tone. He doesn't sound irritated, which would mean a visit from Mycroft. John's quite sure Sherlock wouldn't sound so calm if Mycroft had come calling.  
  
In fact, Sherlock sounds...pleasant. It makes John extremely nervous.  
  
John opens the door quickly and walks into the lounge tense, ready for...well, he's not certain what exactly. Just ready.  
  
Sherlock is sprawled across the sofa. A slim, leather-bound book is in his hand.  
  
"Sherlock? All right?"  
  
Sherlock sits up, in a motion so fluid John wishes he could x-ray the man just to be certain he has all the 206 bones John would expect to find.   
  
"Perfectly, John. Problem?"  
  
"I heard you talking. You sounded...nice. I thought maybe someone was holding you hostage." John realizes how stupid this sounds as he's speaking, and tenses again for the vitriol that's going to be coming. Any second now.  
  
"Ah," Sherlock clears his throat, "yes. I was reading."  
  
"Aloud?"  
  
"It's Keats, John. The brilliance can only be truly appreciated when orated properly."  
  
John can feel a blush creeping up his neck at Sherlock's use of the word orated. _Well, I've already made an ass of myself. May as well make a thorough go of it,_ John thinks.  
  
"So let's hear it then. Can't remember ever hearing you sound so..."  
  
"Ah," Sherlock says again. This is the most inarticulate John has ever heard him. "I hadn't thought that you would be, affected." Sherlock begins muttering, "not as heterosexual as you have me believe." Sherlock stares at John for what feels to John like eternity. "Very well. Just a moment."  
  
John cocks his head in confusion as Sherlock disappears to his room, only to return a moment later with a...John looks down at the paper Sherlock has thrust into his hand...a release form?  
  
"What is this?"  
  
"Just a precaution," Sherlock says. "I doubt it will be necessary for you. There have been some, incidents, in the past, but I'm sure that won't be an issue tonight. You're made of sterner stuff."  
  
John looks over the form. _I (your name) do hereby acknowledge I have been forewarned of the possible consequences of listening to Sherlock Holmes read poetry aloud, and do hereby affirm that I accept full and informed consent to listen to said reading and do release Sherlock Holmes and any and all surviving family members or established trusts or family estates from any legal responsibility for said consequences. The following list is not comprehensive, and represents only the known reactions to date. Caution: May cause drooling, flushing, swooning, light-headedness, toe curling, back arching, nipple erection, instantaneous orgasm, or ovary explosion. (Affix signature here.)_  
  
"Sherlock? What the hell is this?" John demands.  
  
"I know, ridiculous. But my barrister did insist after the last time."   
  
John pales. Then he remembers that he is, as Sherlock said, made of sterner stuff. He signs the paper.   
  
"Excellent. You may as well remove your jeans now," Sherlock advises, "they're about to become extraordinarily uncomfortable."


End file.
